I have my first holiday party tonight. These things are terribly triggering for me. Just the holidays alone are enough so set me off, but mingling with a bunch of people that I don’t like making meaningless conversation is just plain awful for me.

The holidays hold too many bad memories for me. The decorations, the smells, etc always upset me. The holidays were never good for me growing up.

Why did I have to pick a job where I have to go to a ton of these things? I don’t know if I can do it, but if I don’t people take it personally. I hate parties!!!

I want to go home and go to bed. I had a bad t session and I don’t know that I can hold it together tonight.