I came up to the mountains to teach skiing. I've always loved skiing. I've loved teaching it. I taught for 8 years before my diagnosis. I haven't taught for the last 2 years because I didn't feel that I could mentally handle it.

This year I decided to come back, this was family to me, not just a job. Now it's just a job. I hurt my legs wearing my boots. I can barely walk. I came home after the first day on the mountain and cried for hours. All I wanted to do was admit failure pack up and drive home. I've been fighting a cold or something for weeks and now I finally have it. My throat is killing me, my ears are stopped up and my eyes hurt.

I stayed home today (and yesterday) and slept most of both days and all night both nights. I'm miserable physically and mentally. I can't help but think that at least part of the problem is mental. I used to come up here and teach for 15-20 days straight. I did orientation one day, shadowed classes the next day, and taught for 3 hours the following day. I've been at our house up here for the last 2 days sleeping and feeling miserable.

I feel like I should give it at least one more chance before I give up. Part of me wants to just say screw it and go home but part of me really feels like I should do this to prove to myself that I am "better." I'm miserable. I don't know what to do. I went ahead and scheduled myself a massage for today hoping that will make my legs better enough that I can put my boots on tomorrow. Thanks for listening.