Tiberius, I've been reading your threads and comments in this forum and in the main psychotherapy forum. You seem to be struggling so much with this issue. Off-hand, from the intensity of the emotion that you bring to the questions of transference, and whether the therapeutic relationship is 'real' or not, I would guess that these touch on core issues for you.

It's not that the questions aren't valid, but that the way you are struggling with them is on the extreme side.

What I mean is, I think you are bringing a lot of your own issues to this, and if you could, somehow, disentangle your own issues, figure out what those are, what you're projecting on the therapeutic relationship, and why, then you would likely learn a lot, and also, the therapeutic relationship would become less painful.

-Far (speaking as one who's definitely been through it! and, more or less, come out the other side)