For the past month I have been living a lie, I have pretended to be happy for the benift if my T just so that he doesn't send me away during the holidays, now that I am going on holiday all my feeling of lonliness are coming back and I wish that I could tell some1 but they all think I'm getting better but in the end I'm only getting worse, my thouights of suicid or stronger than ever, and all I want to do i is cut, but I can't do all that eben though I want to, my life is seroiusly going nowhere at the moment, I'm more depressend then aver and I have never felt more alone than now, every time I look at a sharp pbject all I wanna do is cut and die, but I can't cause then people would think that I'm F*cked up, death all that I think of and I wish that it would come for me but if I say that people would hate me and never speak to me again, I just wish I could tell people how I really felt and I wish that they would understand but they never will, no one will ever understand what I'm going through. Y is life so hard to live? I just wish I could disappear and never come back, I think that would actually make people happy, ya they would be happy if I where gone.