Psyclox, I wouldn't be happy if you disappeared. Not at all.
You need to talk to your T honestly. You are not going to enjoy the holidays at all in your present frame of mind.
So what- you lied. That's understandable and people will forgive you because your motivation is soooo comprehensable.
Who doesn't want to be home for the holidays? Who would blame you? You're being way too hard on yourself.
Please, please, please, call your T or a trusted friend and just say "please, help me, I'm feeling really bad."
I absolutely guarantee that they will be there for you and want to help and make you feel better. I swear.
If not, PM me and I will give you my phone number and we'll talk, about what ever you'd like for as long as you'd like.
Please, Psyclox. I've been following your posts and you're in my thoughts and I really, really want good things to happen for you.
I wish I could give you a big fat IRL hug, some hot cocoa with whipped cream piled on top and my shoulder to cry on.
((((((((((((Psyclox)))))))))))))))
You don't have to be alone. Reach out-