I'm really, genuinely sorry that you feel alone. I suspect you're not as alone as it may seem and that others here have had similar experiences.

Speaking for myself I feel quite threatened by your style, which I perceive as attacking and dismissing others' experiences, choices and abilities, rather than simply questioning your own experience. I also think you've chosen a time when I (and perhaps others) are particularly vulnerable because of therapy breaks over the holidays, and I have worked really hard to be able to hold onto and keep believing that it's all still true, even when she 'leaves me'.

I do think that many people here have experienced terrible pain in their therapeutic relationships, and have found different ways to deal with this. I hope you feel able to connect with these experiences.