I scared my son yesterday. I hate it when I act so poorly. It started in the middle of the night before last when I woke up to the sound of rain on the window. Yesterday I had to work all day and as I listened to the rain at 3 in the morning I thought about how much I didn't want my daughter to have to walk through that to get home from school. She hasn't been feeling well the past month. So I started thinking about how I should take a long lunch so I could pick her up after school but thinking about asking for that makes me extremely anxious even though I know my co-workers are more then understanding. Then I started wondering if her sweater was dry because she refuses to wear a jacket because she doesn't like going to her locker so I got up and found that it was still in the washer so I put it in the dryer with the load that was almost dry. Our dryer is on its last legs so it doesn't dry things as quickly as it should. When I got into bed I started worrying that since I put her black sweater in the dryer with a load of whites that it would get a bunch of white pills all over it. Meanwhile I am needing to toss and turn and my hubby, sweet man that he is, is trying to cuddle up to me to comfort me while he is still asleep. This makes tossing and turning more difficult and I start worrying that I am going to wake him up.

Yesterday morning went as usual. I got Jess to school, jumped in the shower, got the tub filling for alex while I put on my makeup then got him in the bath. It is hectic because even though everything has enough time to be accomplished things must progress at an even state. It is important that I keep reminding my son of this.

At 10 minutes to 9, durinig the critical point of getting my son ready, my mother in law calls to ask me what my son would like for Christmas. Now you all are probably thinking how nice it is of her but it irritated me because I have told her my ideas once already and then had my husband talk to her. He told her the things that Alex had asked for. Well she decided that she wanted to wait until the toys r us ad came out. So I went through our garbage and found the t.r.u ad. While I am doing that Alex is standing in the middle of the livingroom with a towel around his waist swinging the end of it back and forth in a different world he goes to when he is supposed to be getting ready for school. I get back on the phone with mom in law and tell her I will have to call her back because I don't have any idea right now what would be good. I swallowed the words, "since what I have already told you would be good is obviously not good enough". I yell at Alex to get dressed because we have to leave in less then a minute. Sigh. Then he is trying to get his shoes on and I am trying to help and the stupid thing is laced weird so I can't tighten it so I decide to relace it but as soon as I pull the lace loose from the top hole I discover that the plastic thing on the end of the lace is gone which means I can't relace it. My anger is rising, my head is starting to ring. So I get the ka-bob skewer in hopes that I can use it to shove the lace through the hole. It doesn't work, the skewer is too fat. I am so pissed off that I throw the skewer across the living room and it slams into the window. Fortunately our cellular blinds were down so the window didn't break though I did put a hole in the blind. The look on my son's face was heart breaking. He said "mom you scared me" and looked like he was about to cry. It was awful. I managed to get his shoe laced and got him to school but I feel horrible for my bad behavior.

I appologized to him yet again. When I picked him up after school he seemed ok. This morning I don't work so I didn't need to take a shower so I was able to get him started on getting dressed much earlier. It is funny when I get him going early he gets dressed in no time flat. He was ready so early that when he asked if he could walk to school I said ok. It is a mile so we don't do that often. We had a good walk, after he crossed the street to the school I went off for a run and got home feeling pretty good.

A final word on my Mom in law. On the way home from taking alex to school I thought of the perfect thing for her to get him, little Yu-gi-oh figurines. So I called her back. Told her this would be the absolutely perfect gift for her to give him and even told her exactly where in Toys R Us she could find them. She said "well, do you think he might like the game boy game better." ARGH!
Thanks for letting me vent,
Carrie

To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler then I've been to me.
I am sorry to myself, my apologies begin here before everybody else.
I am sorry to myself, for treating me worse then I would anybody else. --Alanis Moresette