Im so sorry youre going through this. This has turned your entire life upside down and made you doubt pretty much everything....but the path you're going down is not going to be helpful to you. I would suggest that you stop focusing on him and place that attention on yourself. you NEED support. A therapist, a 12-step group, something. you are literally going to drive yourself insane if you keep searching and digging....you are very likely to find things eventually.

You are certainly under no obligation to ever trust him again...but you're going to have to focus on you and what you need to feel emotionally safe and figure out what your future is going to look like. *hugs*