yes it's exactly the same.

Every time I see someone reach this much wished for point that I have not reached yet I'm faced with the reality of how much time is spent on my therapy process and how far I have come from where I was almost 5 years ago and wonder what its going to be like in the future how ever near or far that turns out to be, but once reaching that point I wish for and not have to worry about being triggered into other memory pieces because all the memories have been remembered and taken care of so that they are no longer burried for me to be triggered into acting on them. to someday not have to constantly look for the triggers because with remembering comes the uncovering of the triggers.

The process just happens naturally like something that happened to me this past spring. 25 years ago I had a teacher who left. we corresponded for a bit then that correspondance was stopped during an abuse situation. So from that situation to this past spring I had a memory piece and the memory content was from that abuse situation and most of my memories of that teacher. This past spring I went looking for my teacher then friend and I found her and we are now in touch with each other once again. Since last spring she has been helping me put my memories surrounding what happened 25 years ago in order by confirming and filling in the blanks and so on. I now know what happened back then so the memories called "Darlene" are no longer burried and hidden. This means nothing can trigger me into acting out those memories (switching into the memory piece).

The memories will always be there for memories are stored in the brain forever and I will always know that while the memories were burried and hidden they were called "Darlene". But becauseI now know what happened in that situation and I can no longer be triggered into switching into "Darlene" everything "Darlene" did for me -math skills and so on that is the content of that memory once hidden now known I do myself because I can remember those things now.

Now put that in the bigger scheme of things where sometime in the future however near or far to the point where all my memory pieces and what happened is remembered and I have total access and I no longer have to spend all this time and energy that I am now on the things I am now around repressed memories (finding memory pieces and their content). So much freedom but yet...

"dumbfounded?" you bet. and just about every other word possible.

As mindboggling, mindblowing, amazing and so on this is I plan on continuing reaching for that final healing star. I don't know what I will do when I reach that point but I do know that when it comes I will have the help of my friends and therapist and I do know that after the initial shock of "I made it through" hits and wears off I will be ok because others before me have reached that point and have been ok. besides I can't resist the idea of holding a star..

The healing process continues to amaze and challenge me at the same time.