I posted in the main forum, but here's a different type of answer:
I was SOOO in love with my exT (male). Huge teenage crush, flirting, almost like I was possessed by my teenage self. I let the crush feelings flow. I kept going to therapy, talking about my stuff, learning how to set boundaries and express my needs. I went from being a person who thought therapy was silly to someone who thinks therapy is GREAT. ExT made therapy accessible and safe for me, I learned how to communicate openly with him (and take little steps to open communication with people in my real life). I eventually told him straight out that I loved him. I thought about him all the time. It was a huge issue for me, so guilty in my marriage.

the whole thing made exT so uncomfortable. sigh. he could never help me with the transference.

New T: she's straight-forward with me about being happy to see me, happy to see me smile, pleased with my hard work. I am certain that she genuinely likes me, that she cares about how I'm doing. She's happy to give me a big hug at the end of a tough session, and I feel so healed by working with her. All of her demonstrated and open communication of caring about me means that I do not think about my relationship with her. I don't have overwhelming feelings for her - I'm just super happy to have her as my therapist!

So, I loved my exT. I did get "better" in that I gained many good things from the therapy. And I'm going to finally reap some benefit from having been "in love" with my exT by examining and analysing the transference reaction with this new T. It's not a direct cause-effect like taking amoxicillin will make you get better from your strep throat.

Good luck Tiberius