Know how you feel DMC. I have been married 18 years and question all the time why I stay why she stays. We have a better relationship now but it wasn't always so. For years I had the extream ups and downs where I love here hate her. everything was her fault. she could do nothing right. I of course would not believe there was anything wrong with me. so that made it worse. Now that I have exepted there is something wrong I am aware when I am doing it again and sometimes can control it but not always. still have aways to go. Hang in there keep getting help and it will get better if you let it. Not always easy so hang and hopefully she will be understanding and forgiving.