I have a major problem with alcohol. Depression anxiety sadness and whatever else.
I feel the need for it. I feel the need to escape, to help me get out of my head.
I ruminate constantly- all day long I am stuck in my head and full of sadness and regret and pain. So at night, I drink some wine and get tired so I can sleep. I just get tired of feeling. I just feel way too much.
No binge drinking, no driving drunk, no lashing out at others. Drinking to numb, and unable to stop because I feel so out of control with everything else.
I think I am a smart person, but yet I know I am in denial of the circular problem here. I am just so stuck right now. I think that since I have been depressed etc..for over 30 years ("treatment resistant"), I convince myself that even if I did stop drinking, it wouldn't change everything else, so why not take consolation/escape where I can get it.

And it doesn't help that my husband drinks too much as well.