How wonderful for you to have that teacher to help fill in the memories. I rather envy that. I am unsure where to go to fill in the pieces without causing more safety issues.

Do you have to have the memory to find out what the trigger is? And when you find out the trigger, how do you desensitize? I get triggered by so much that it feels like air triggers me sometimes. Sometimes the last thing I remember is something simple such as the way someone moved their hand a weird way and I am gone.

Isn't it funny what we think is reality before we start to realize what reality is. I had no clue about anything. People generally do remember their childhood, or at least good portions of it?? They know what they did last week during this time??

I am in the beginning of the "awareness" part of this thing I guess you would call it. Where everything stinks and I just don't want it to be so. And I totally understand the amazement and challenge. I want to be better, I don't want to know memories, I want to move forward, please let me go back to when I knew nothing. I think, gosh, life was so much easier when I didn't even know anything. I just moved about my day. But then, gosh, how did I get through then. I mean, I am doing the same stuff now I guess. I am just having it pointed out to me now but it seems like now I look at my life and it is so chaotic. But i guess it was always chaotic, I just didn't know what chaotic meant.

KD, your healing encourages me and amazes me. I have seen so much change and growth in you in the last year, especially in the last few months. I guess I am in the "I want to own my own current existence without meltdowns and losing time" part. I think I am just there now... kind of. I just want it without knowing anything or feeling any pain.

I haven't gotten to where I want to soothe any parts because I do not want them to exist. So, I guess, for me at this time, maybe healing would be acceptance, or at least it might be the first step.

My life is unsafe at times even now, as an "adult". I feel like I have to be here 100% of the time to protect and care for myself and my family. And I can't seem to do that because of the fact that it is unsafe. The moving forward gets put on hold so often because of the unsafe situations.

Thank you both for sharing. While I am at the beginning of this journey called healing, it is nice to see those that have gone before. KD, talking to you often helps me to survive another day, believing that it might possibly get better, especially during those "unsafe" times. I cherish you more than you will ever know.

I wish everyone so much healing in their journeys.
Thanks,