It's sad and kind of the whole "blessing and a curse syndrome" for me.

I mean when I was a young lad I often was in a manic cycle and exploded with focus and energy. All the focus was a bit on the edge. But I was an outstanding athlete, very smart(mostly due to amazing memory), and very engaging.

But on the other end the focus was not enough to make me carry it all the way. I passed on a baseball scholarship to pursue a experimental development program for the Eastern League of Double A baseball which basically put me on the field with Double A players with the premise that I would learn what it took to take it another level. You had to be chosen and invited for this but it really wasn't all I perceived it too be. But I convinced myself it would be a faster route to success.

Anyhow I failed at that. Of course a severe injury to my ankle did not help. I had no interest in academic pursuits although my intelligence would have made one think I should. But really my intelligence was more just the ability to retain information and recall it whenever I needed too. So again while it was helpful it was not all it seemed to be.

Then I became a musician. I also became very good at this. At one point I was in a band that opened up for Ace Frehley, Marshall Tucker Band, and The Outlaws. I am a prolific song writer and a pretty good singer. But once again it was not enough to parlay into a career.

The bigger issue is on one hand I feel my unique mind has given me strong creative properties and some capacity for intellect but on the other hand it has been a hindrance to me putting in the work and building a network that would get me with people who could help me turn it into something.

Or perhaps while I may be more gifted than those in my "realm" of associates and people I have met but in the big picture it really was nothing special?