Hi Sleeps,

I guess I still hope you can try to talk to your T about how hard it has been the past couple of months, because I think it is really important to have a place to be able to talk about it. I also think it is important to the relationship you have with your T. I think there are ways to talk about it without blaming your T. You can express anger at the situation itself, and express frustration just at not having enough money to go to counseling on a regular basis right now. You can express anger that there isn't better health insurance coverage in our country for mental health care needs. I think there are lots of ways to talk about it and get some of the angry feelings out. I also hope, if there are ways that you expected your T to be in touch with you while you were out of contact (and at times, it sounded like you expected that), that you will talk with him about that. It might be good to get an understanding of what he understands as his role in terms of contact outside of sessions right now. And if you are actually angry with him, it might be good to talk with him about it. I know it is very hard, but sometimes it helps to get that out, both for you and for your counselor.

The last session I had with my counselor, I was really, really angry with him. Anger is a hard and scary thing for me. But we talked about it, and I think it was a really good thing that we did. He was glad I was able to talk about it with him about that, and I am probably safer because I was able to talk about it. At least in my case, I am realizing I do worse and worse, and become less and less safe, when I just stew about angry feelings. So hard as it was, it was probably better - at least in my case - that we talked about it. It sounds to me like you've been feeling pretty angry with your T, as you wrote in one of the messages here. My guess is your T is a good T, and is used to talking with people about their angry feelings. He can take it! So I encourage you to consider talking with your T about those angry feelings.

Sending you good wishes, Sleeps....

Take care,
ErinBear