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Yes I clearly remember my first I tried, SI, it was not only the first time but the most serious incident. It was about 5 years ago, I was in such internal pain, for some reason I got to feeling that physical pain could replace emotional pain, I knew it was a stupid idea but I picked up the knife anyway. I will spare you the details of what I did to myself (wasn't trying to kill myself though) ended up in the ER, after I was stitched up I was taken in hand cuffs by the sheriff’s officers to a mental hospital where I was admitted against my will.
It didn’t work, clearly I couldn’t replace my emotional pain with physical pain, the forced hospitalization was one of the most difficult experiences of my adult life. But that didn’t stop me from doing it again and again, though I’m more careful now, making sure I only SI to the extent that I can take care of on my own.
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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