That's helpful, LizardLady. And I think it does make a difference who is laughing at what. I've often heard it said, and I've said it too--it's OK to make fat jokes if you're fat, Jewish jokes if you're Jewish, black jokes if you're black, etc., but not if you aren't those things. Laughing at ourselves, and laughing at someone else, are two different actions.

I suppose it's not unlike conversations I've had with my rather intolerant and narrow-minded (sometimes) husband, when he makes fun of gay people. Why is it I'm offended when he does that, and yet if my gay brother said the same thing, I wouldn't be? Because my brother is laughing at himself, but my husband is using humor to (very thinly) mask his contempt.