I have some really important decisions to make...and my anxiety about making them is terrible. I have to do the dirty deed of breaking up with my bf, which causes me a lot of concern. There's so much that goes into me breaking up with the jerk, but I still do care for him. He's a nice guy when we're not fighting.

Anyways, tomorrow we have a Christmas party to go to. I'm not thrilled at all about it, though. That means spending even more time with someone who I can't be myself around, which means I feel more like a prisoner in my own skin. It's terrible to have to live like this..in secrecy. I just want to be my own self again. I'm nervous about this whole party thing, too, because I don't do well in crowds and there's gonna be a lot of people there...a lot of people who will stare at me and look at me and all of that.