I agree with the people who said you were being imperious when you wrote "the stories I have read so far are truly heartbreaking: people in love with their therapist, people panicking because their therapists are going on vacation, people unable to understand that their therapists are doing a job...". But, you sound overly logical and not yet able to understand people's feelings well, so I want to write something to try to be helpful to you in spite of what you wrote. I wrote the sentences above for the purpose of supporting anyone else who might be hurt by what you wrote, not to be rude to you.

As far as negative feelings about therapy, yes, I definitely had them and expect I might have them again. Although I wasn't attracted to my t, I was obsessively thinking about therapy all the time. It was transference. Sometimes I was angry at him for things he said. I was angry because I think he knew that I trusted him a lot and it would hurt a lot if he pushed me the way he did. I am still angry about that sometimes. This seems similar to your anger that your therapist allowed you to develop feelings of transference. (Although I don't think therapists really have a whole lot of control over whether transference happens, I think they have awareness of the possibility of it.)

I haven't gone back to that t because the extent of vulnerability and transference I felt with him seems like too much for me to deal with. I'm afraid I might be attracted to him. Unlike some people who post on this forum, I do not have a lot of confidence that most therapists could deal well with a confession that a client is in love with them. My guess would be that commonly they would refer the client to another therapist. However, that guess is not based on any experience, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I think that because I have a little bit of insecurity about intimacy myself. I hope if someone on here knows anything about how therapists are trained to deal with this you will explain it. That is, if there are any standards about this within any of the many programs where therapists are trained.

Nevertheless, I think the transference I experienced made a big, helpful difference for me. I think letting myself spend the time obsessing over therapy let me think through and understand some things about myself better, so that now I'm starting to be more self confident and I'm able to feel more progress from therapy with other therapists. All of this happened less than a year ago. It hasn't been enough time yet to report a final outcome.

I don't know what I think the best thing for you to do would be. From your posts, it seems like learning to value the experience of letting yourself be intimate and vulnerable with someone could be really useful for you. But when you have really strong, overwhelming feelings, as it sounds like you do, you probably will feel strongly affected by whatever your t does. Therapists can't be perfect and she may not be able to guess or do exactly what you need.

I thought it was good that you reinterpreted your feelings for your therapists to understand that you have a need for intimacy in your life, like a boyfriend or girlfriend. But I thought there is probably more you would need to understand about intimacy than just that it can be a good thing, and that you could learn more about it from therapy if the therapy goes well.

I don't know you, so I am just guessing.