Hello, MissingMyOldSelf!
- holidays
- husband unemployed & un/demotivated
- solo paying all the bills
- disappointment of restricted gifting
- both parents deceased
- sense of isolation
- damaged & painful knee
Just my opinion, but you deserve a meltdown. I hope you can schedule one for a convenient time, and I hope it's a restorative meltdown.
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My dog

mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.