john, I actually am someone who very rarely calls people by name, and I'd like to give you an alternate way of thinking about your wife's behavior. It sounds like she does not have quite the same behavior as I do, since you say that she calls everyone else by name. But maybe she has some of the same thought processes. Anyway, a name is essentially a verbal description of someone. When you think of someone by their name, you are thinking of them with a verbal descriptor. I do not think verbally, so when I think of someone, I think of the person (what they look like, how they are related to me, etc.) without the name. It is not that these people have no identity to me, but that their identities are not associated with a word, or a name. Now I have this "problem' (I would prefer "behavior", but I don't want to get bogged down in symantics) with most people I know, but I can tell you it is more pronounced with the people I am closest to, since I have the most connections to them, so I have more non-name ways of thinking of them.

I'm not entirely sure if that explanation made sense, but anyway, I do think there is the possibility that rather than you having less identity to your wife, she may not use your name because you have more identity. You say that you two have a very good, and very close relationship. So perhaps she does not think of you as "John". Perhaps she thinks of you as her soulmate, the one who completes her, the other half of her life's partnership, the most intimate relationship in her life. Since these things are not verbal, when she addresses you, no verbal name comes out.

I'm just speculating, and maybe her reasons for not calling you by name are totally different. But since you seem to have a wonderful marriage, and since she does not seem to be able to change this behavior pattern, maybe just thinking of it as a distinction that means you are more special to her than anyone else, rather than less special could make it easier for you to live with it.

Just my two cents. I hope you come back and let us know how you are doing.

mj