The time went too fast today! I had so much to talk about and didn't get to all of it. I wanted T to listen to some music that was important to me, and talking about that took a long time. Then I told her about the incident with my brother. I was somewhat disappointed that she didn't think it was as important as I did. We talked about what she means by "trauma" and how it's not the way I thought she meant.

We talked about my anxiety and she wanted to know if the part that worries so much thinks it's helping to worry, that it must be serving a purpose for me. I have to think about that.

Towards the end of the session I started getting depressed. I think it's because she talked about feeling better in my life again. I said something about the child part (I had said earlier that I was fine during the week without a session) and she asked the question I hate: Does that part know you're there? Finally I said I don't know how to answer that, so she talked about the Self and how it's supposed to be calm and safe. I said I don't feel that way, so we have to work on that. She wants to do meditation with me starting next time.

She also wants to do more EMDR and I said I don't like it because it feels sexual. She wants to do it anyway, says we will just get through it. Actually, I'm not sure what she said, but I will probably try it again in a few weeks. I'm scared of EMDR, but my T thinks it's going to help me so I have to try it again. We only did it a fews times in all.

I already emailed her because of my strong feelings at the end of the session. I told her I had "growing pains" but the child still wants to be with her. She keeps saying she's not going anywhere and I don't have to leave. But I felt sad. I'm nowhere ready to quit therapy but I'm still sad.

I hugged her when I walked in. Just went up to her and said I wanted the hug I didn't get last time. I think she said she was glad to see me, but I don't remember. I do remember that I told her about the PC thread and she said I am not just her job, which I knew already.

I think sessions after a break, even if it's just a week, are hard for me. I wanted to feel so connected, but somehow I didn't. Sometimes she looks like a stranger to me, and doesn't look like the photo I have. I don't know why. Different glasses, maybe. It bothers me. But I still like her, and we have a very good connection. She said so herself.