Nola, my heart goes out to you.
" I see no end to the dark days in which I now live, "

I am very sad about that because I do understand that point of view. And I know what it is like to live in a situation that cannot be escaped (at the time) for some reason. My college T wanted me to get out of the situation I was in (living with one of my primary CSA perps). But I couldn't do it. I had no choice at the time.

But there are ways to plan and figure out how to get to the better place. And going back into therapy to help yourself get skills is very important.