Often the things that we feel are bad things look worse to us than they do to others who understand why we have done them. Most of us are far harsher to ourselves, expect far more of ourselves than we would ever dream of expecting of another person. Most of the time, getting the things we did out in some way, writing or telling someone about them, can return them to their proper perspective. the risk is that they will continue to feed and grow on your shame and guilt, other wise.
Erik is human, like all of us. he has as much a right to love and to friendship as anyone else. There aren't any special categories for who deserves such things. they come with birth. Anyone who told you differently has misled you. HUGGGGS