Quote:
Originally Posted by Elana05
This does sound very negative and hurtful. Yes, it is good to be alert and aware in a large city. But you are an adult now. How hard it is to live with someone who yells. You are in my thoughts. What about joining a club of some sort? What are your interests? Can you find a group with similar interests? A craft? Books? Writing group etc? Then you may meet someone else with a car. 
Do you have any plans to move away? Can you leave your family? Sorry - I know that is a huge question. But it is hard to stay sane while living amidst such anxiety. I'm sure your mother is dominated by her own fears and it is more about her own anxieties than about you... but when it is directed your way I imagine it makes little difference.
Elana |
Thanks Elana, I completely agree with you. I do understand that my mom has lots of fears inside her, she's constantly under fear, and for the longest time I had similar fears and I only recently found it where I had learnt them from...
But I really hate it when she says things like that because then I do REALLY get very scared. I know one has to practice safety and precaution but there's a balance between living and doing just that.
I am part of a theatre group but still things happen in the day. I live in a very dysfunctional family, my father and mom both are emotionally abusive but sometimes when I explain things to my mom, she seems to get it more than my dad.
But I feel like I get very little support from them emotionally... my mom's way of dealing with things is just to IGNORE them.. anything and everything that happens. That just doesn't work all the time. She thinks being assertive and direct is bad. If someone's rude to you just ignore it.. and many other things..
My dad makes me feel he doesn't trust me because he himself puts pressure onto others by lying, for instance "you have to go pay the credit card bill RIGHT NOW, TODAY or they'll put interest on it..." and the date might be 10 days from now.. but he'll just put so much pressure on you, you'll do it right away. It took me long to realize that he does this.. also i've heard him talk behind my back and say mean things to me.. eventhough I wake up throughout the night and help him because he's a stroke patient and is handicapped. THAT really hurt me when I heard him cursing me out to an outsider..
But yeah, that's my life for now. I move to another city in a few months but I'm really scared of being lonely and all alone. i know a couple people there that I can hang with, but I just don't feel like I have anyone in the world to feel close to. I also feel lik eI was the "lost child" of the dysfunctional unit and so I have never been close to anyone or ever felt happy in life. I don't know what it feels to be happy. I'm always searching for that...