Yeh, maybe she feels that you are now her only link to her husband.......
I just read your saga, VL, whew, you must be emotionally exhausted.

I've found lonely people spend a lot of time in their heads writing scripts for their lives instead of finding a way to fill themselves in the real world.
Didn't you say you waited and waited for a few minutes with him, on the street, during his shift, because he was your only friend back when you were 19? Sounds like you were and still are very lonely.

It feels to me like miscarrying (so very sorry that happened) was an opportunity for you to actually make a clean break with this guy. Oh well, that's not where you went with it. No blame.

Now, his lonely, confused, hurt, betrayed wife reaches to you for friendship??? Whew, she must not have much support either. Feels desperate. Acting from desperation is usually not clearly thought out action..... more like a drowning person who grabs whoever is near to save themself, unfortunately, they can pull the other person down with them.

There are a lot of roads to fullfillment. TV tells us finding ONE other person is THE answer. I haven't found this to be true.
For me, the more I give to a bunch of people, the less I focus on the "need" for one. Maybe it's time for you to enlarge your circle.

Community organizations are desperate for volunteers, Is there something you and your child could do together? Like go to an animal shelter and pet lonely pets? Visit a senior convelesence home and play cards with somebody? Sing in a choir? There are alot of people out there who could use a drop of your love. You will meet others doing the same thing. People to be friends with and find some of the support you really do need. Have I gone preachy? I hope not. I just wish you and your child some stability that is coming from you and not dependant on Mr Cop.

"Letting go" creates a vacuum. Fill it up with giving and you will change your whole thing. Been there, done that. I am puliling for ya!!!!