No I have not driven off a cliff. I am sitting in a dark cold room wrapped in blankets and finally able(thanks Doc) to log back on. I didn't want to do anything yesterday but was tired out seeing a friend, a fiscal manager who left way before me. I needed help with forms, forms, forms, money money money.

Anyone know about money? I have a bit in a retirement account that I want to roll over and use as colleteral to get a personal loan at a low interest so I can pay everything off except my mortgage. Anyone know if this is allowable or do I than become subject to penalties and interest and all of that nice stuff? It will get hubby off probation too. Any ideas?

I have not been able to eat. I get bathroom sick when I do. It's like the worst anxiety cramps known to woman kind. Last night I threw up. My own fault as I drank some beer after almost no food for many days. I can eat about 2 banannas a day and that is it.

I don't care what the house looks like, I don't think I own a hair brush anymore, can't find any.

I emailed my program director, the super's super and told her she owed me an apology for the letter she wrote me on he persoanl stationary. I am having trouble with email as I am using a computer where my daughter has had her email configured and also it goes downstairs so I didn't see that she had emailed me right when I hung up from speaking with her on Tues before I wrote my letter and left the building. Her email was just that the 5 hours the night before finally got the job done right.

Being with my friend who is so loyal to the agency was hard, I am loyal too but it made it hard for me to talk about what was happening. As I think more about it I see that My immediate super probably sabotauged me with lies about calling in etc but she will get hers as I am sure there will be an investigation of sorts.The reality of it is the PTSD did me in and they made no accomodations for me in that department. Alas, back but don't know where. Tired, don't want to move a muscle. Peace everyone