I don't know why we're here, and can only guess at life's purpose. I, too, suffer from existential angst or depression, if you will, and i am not saying that i can DO as i recommend. Once upon a time in a treatment center, tho, i learned what has repeatedly proven to be true. If my physical symptoms of depression were under control [congrats to your constitution and your pdoc], i would fight the psychological symptoms by concentrating on the problems of others, helping if/where i could. This [PC] forum seems to be designed around the opportunity for just that, as well as the opportunity to ventilate, ask, lean, and learn. Would love to learn what your treatment regimen is, as well as your circumstances. Caring about you ~