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Dec 29, 2010, 07:54 PM
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,332
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myers
Thanks, Michah. I think the hardest thing about an ASPD/psychopathy diagnosis is the stigma. It's so hard to find a therapist that will even work with an antisocial/psychopath, let alone stick with the therapy through all the manipulation. I'm glad you could find someone you could trust.
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Totally Myers. I was VERY fortunate. I am sure I drove her to the brink of complete madness at some stage. She matched me, I guess. Despite my testing of her, I am also driven by logic, and she used my "intelligence" for want of a better expression as a way of proving my own fallacies wrong. She also manipulated me by using logic, and I eventually respected her for it. She did not take my crap, and that is how I learnt to trust her. In other words, she saw right through me as time went on. I remember a couple of times she called me a "psycho" good-naturedly and I laughed so hard, I cried. What therapist would do that? But it gave her cred. I am not rude, but I had to give kudos to her for losing the "pc" of the therapeutic setting. So, what she did with me, would have been hugely unethical for her other patients and most likely would have made them worse. But for me, I had a T that played on the same field as I did, in certain respects
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So, if you don't mind me asking, how do you go about reasoning with your darker side?[/QUOTE]
I acknowledged it. I stopped trying to therapy it away, if you know what I mean. My AS psych says to me "despite what you experience, you actually have a lot of self-control" which I probably do, but it comes at a price. I gave The Dark a name and a face. He is a werewolf......and the reason this is, is based on my love of wolves and so on, but the mythology of a werewolf and the way that man battles the inner animal in all of us, is what drove me to this manifetsation of The Dark. I have written much about Wolfie. I have been writing about wolves since I was a child and after seeing the movie, Wolfman it seemed only instinctive to create The Dark in this fashion.
I mentally created a platform for us to talk on. I imagined myself patting him and stroking him. I came to the conclusion that he is both my greatest enemy and best friend, for as much as he has tried to destroy me, he has also saved me. I realised that he is the child within me and has the same needs and validation as anyone. He makes me cry and laugh. He creates courage, fear and torment. He does not like to be ignored and placed on a shelf. He occasionally likes to be visited by The Light. He cripples me and releases me the same and the more I have to do with him, the more noble and terrifying he becomes. For one state cannot exist with out the other, and that is what I am learning. Hope that explains a very complex and enduring method
Michah
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