I seem to be suffering from dysthymia, or at least some chronic milder form of depression. I had a major depressive episode that started last year around the end of February or beginning of March. For a while I didn't realize what was going on, and I did a lot of self-medicating with alcohol. Things finally got unbearable in August, so I started seeing a therapist. I had a bit of fear around taking medication, so I decided to try everything I could that didn't involve prescription medication.

I saw the therapist for about 6 months, at which point things seemed to be under control. During that time, I also did many self-help strategies like exericise (walking, yoga), eating healthier, using stress-relief techniques, spending time outdoors, and reading self-help books. Things were okay for a while after I stopped therapy, but soon enough I started sinking down into a dark pit again. By June/July of this year, I was drinking a lot again and was at the end of my rope. I was feeling desperate and talked to my Dr. about trying medication. He started me on Lexapro, which I am still taking (10mg/day).

The side effects were pretty noticeable at first, but got better over time, and now they are almost non-existent. Medication has helped significantly with the physical symptoms of depression (including loss of appetite, extremely low energy, feeling tired all the time, waking many times during the night).

However, I'm still feeling somewhat dull/empty, feel like I have no goals or motivation, no real meaning in my life. I am very disappointed in myself and how my life has turned out so far. I just feel like a loser who doesn't have much to look forward to. I also still don't enjoy most things that I used to enjoy, which is frustrating.

Other parts of my treatment regimen include exercise (I usually work out for 30-60 minutes 4 or 5 times a week), getting adequate sleep (which often doesn't happen, but I'm trying!!), and taking part in hobbies and social activities.

I'm thinking of trying therapy again. I don't know how much it will help, but I'm willing to try. I'm sick and tired of being like this!!