Hey. I'm in the Army too. Combat Medic. I've been where you are many times. First off you're probably in the first stage of grief...Denial. It can last a while. When my Grandfather died I didn't cry for six months. And we were very close. It's really ok. And if you never get too shaken up over it that's okay too. I've seen my share of blood, gore, and things going boom. I'm sure you have too. You'll be fine. Let me know if you need anything.