I can't believe that it's only been two days since I've seen T.

I've barely been able to sleep since my appointment. I just lay in bed, with all of this stuff going through my head. Memories, childhood stuff, thoughts about T, questions about therapy. It's exhausting. And then when I DO get a little sleep, I have crazy, crazy dreams. Last night, I dreamt about T and it was a bad dream and left me unsettled all day.

I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe it's that we didn't really connect on Monday. He left me a message on Tuesday morning and sounded horrible (losing his voice) so maybe he was getting sick on Monday. I don't know.

T thinks I'm having a hard time because of going down to once a week, and I think it's because of the mom stuff, and it's probably both.

I e-mailed T today and he e-mailed back right away. That helped a little. But I'm in another state visiting my inlaws, and I just feel far away. I feel like I REALLY NEED T.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'll NEVER BE OKAY. I'm so much better than I used to be, and still have so far to go.

Tomorrow is my birthday and before I left on Monday, T wrote it on his calendar, so he would remember to think about me on my birthday. T is nice. AND I hate therapy.