I know there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried and tried and then tried again. She was so special to me, a very good friend.

I'm also sure at 100% that I didn't do anything wrong to push her away or said anything wrong. If she would have live close to me I would have gone far to help her out and she knew that.

It is true that this deal was made when we were both suicidal. We didn't wanted for the other one to quit so we made the deal. I hold on. Did she? This will always be on my mind. I just want her to be alive and happy because I care for her so much.

I thank you all so very much. Your patience and caring for me is unbelievable. I know I so often complain. I'm sorry! I have so much on my mind and dealing with a lot. I get tired.

Love you all!