my T talks a lot about the 4 stages of healing/growth/learning. The way she puts it, stage one is where you don't know anything is wrong. Stage 2 is where you know something is wrong, but you don't know how to fix it. Stage 3 is where you are using the new skills, but it feels weird. Stage 4...I don't know. I think by then my brain is full trying to absorb stages 1-3, lol
Anyway, I am in stage 3 and I think you are, too, Tree. We ARE healing, we ARE getting better, but it doesn't always feel good. It feels weird and sometimes it feels bad because it's so new. But it's part of the process.