You know you are hurting yourself by ODing. Your kidney's and liver take strain too. And your pdoc cannot properly help you, if you do not stick you med schedule. PLEASE - don't do it. And I can talk from experience. You will feel terrible, put your brain through all sorts of hell, and can even damage your body permanently.

If you are feeling so bad about yourself and how you speak to your bf, you need to see a T and work on these issues. You never deserve to suffer.
Ask someone you trust (Maybe your boyfriend...?) to keep your meds and only hand them out to you as prescribed.
If you feel the urge to OD, not having access to the meds will help. Alternatively - take yourself to the ER to stay safe. Let the docs change your meds in a controlled environment, and let them help you get to the bottom of your feelings

You do not need to feel this way. Please don't hurt yourself...