Hoping for some insight into what's going on with my son and if it's part of sz.

My son seems to have little insight into the fact that other people have needs and desires. I would say he acts like a 3 year old in this matter, but actually I think a 3 year old would have more sensitivity. One example is that I have asked him repeatedly not to turn on the lights at night because it wakes me up. I need regular sleep or I fall into a depression. I'm willing to tolerate a lot as long as he seems to be making an effort to recover, but sleep is simply non-negotiable. If I can't get enough sleep, he has to live elsewhere.

Anyway this is the kind of thing I'm talking about. Underwear on the floor. Trash never making it to the trash can. Toilet seat up. Whiskers and globs of tooth paste in the sink. I know all of this sounds incredibly petty, and friends tell me this is a male thing not a sz thing. But I find it exhausting. And I worry about the lack of insight into why others might find these things irritating. He seems genuinely puzzled. I know in the past these same behaviors have made it impossible for him to live with other people - both family members and non-family members. So it seems the behavior must be more extreme than typical.

Another example is gift-giving. In our family we draw names for Christmas gift giving. He got my name. He's been living off me, eating my food and not compensating me for utilities, etc. and spending his disability money on jewelry. Meantime I don't think I would have got a gift at all if my sister hadn't intervened and forced him to go out and get me something. I find it hurtful. And if I find it hurtful, then so will friends and girlfriends. People expect you to give as well as take.

We'll be arranging for him to have a payee (knock wood!) and I'll be getting money for rent and food starting in February (he still owes money for one last month at his old apartment), so I don't need advice on that issue, but any thoughts on the whole selfishness thing would be helpful. Do I let it slide for now? What's it about?