I just am sensing some extra energy behind your posts, Poet, that feels personal. (as in personal to you) There are a lot of capitalizations, which are indicative of intensity. Even if you did not have a therapist like this, I was wondering if there might be something around this discussion that is personally painful to you? I want to add that I am asking this very gently with the intention of being supportive. I might well be wrong and I'm sorry if I am not fully understanding. You can ignore this if you aren't comfortable with it, but I did want to explain better.