I am very cautious about the "s" word around doctors. However when I chose to try to get treatment (and I checked into the hospital) instead of taking the "s" route I made a conscious effort not to be too evasive about it. I wanted to make a sincere effort to get well (otherwise I just would have gone through with my plan) and I didn't, and don't, think that is possible if you are lying to the people trying to help you.

I am still very cautious. I won't ever lie and say I am not thinking about it when I am. I do however keep my discussion of it very wrapped in reason and logic. When they bring it up and I say "yes, I think about it" the next question is usually "do you think you need to be hospitalized?" I have been able to get through each session with a strict promise that I will not hurt myself and that I will call if I feel differently. The state that I am in now is very very bad but I do trust myself to keep that promise and I guess the doctors do to, at least so far. I try to be honest, sometimes only promising 24 or 48 hours and promising to follow up with another call after that period. Obviously if things slid downhill for me I would risk them not believing me. I would prefer to not be in the hospital again, but if it were inevitable I would prefer to check myself in voluntarily.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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