Gojamadar, thank you for your thoughtful reply. To be honest, I do not take medicines to alleviate these states, and I have not in the past. I also have no intention of beginning any such regimen, as I've often turned to others for relief in trying times. Talk (and the requisite willing ear) seems to help me get back on my feet. I have been fortunate to have known many patient people over the years who have helped me, though I have lost some of them too, even to death. Of those who remain, my mother and a very dear friend have helped me recently, though I am loathe to place too much of a burden on them (I probably already have). The decent, selfless people on this site such as yourself have aided me more than I can repay. I hope I can reciprocate in some way, or perhaps offer some solace to others down the road.

I do love music, and I am curious about the correlation between relieving depression and playing an instrument. I thought it funny you mentioned it, as I am a musician, though I stopped playing entirely after an earlier family tragedy. I stopped writing music too. I still hear an odd melody now and again, but I seldom respond to the stimulus. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss making music.

Seems the best I've done at diverting the relentless torture of my thoughts is to turn to lesser agonies, problems with which I was dealing before this horrid event, or traumas from years past.

Thank you too for the clarification about the twisted dreams I've been having. Under normal circumstances, even disturbing dreams hold a bit of intrigue when examined, but these days sleep boils down to a harrowing experience and wasted time, when or if if deigns to grace me.

I hope you have a great New Year too. I am incredulous at its imminence.