Oh WePow, I cannot express my sadness at the loss of your fiance--words scarcely do justice to the agony that goes along with such a wretched event. I feel your pain, however hackneyed or trite an expression that is, as I lost an ex BF who had just come back into my life in a very sudden manner. I do not wish to divulge the details here, but he was a wonderful person who had come to my aid when my family had suffered a loss that stuns us to this day. That ex still loved me, and I him, and the relationship would have been renewed had he not passed away.

You make a very salient point about the destructive power of yearning and desire while enveloped in tragedy, even years after. I am scrambling to keep up with that here, while I feel I exist in multiple worlds, suffering from overlapping awarenesses that clash and provide bubbles of uneasy comfort.

Thank you for the music suggestion. I think using music as a place of safety and security when suffering the unimaginable is a good strategy. I hope I am up for it.

Anything I can do--please don't hesitate to ask.