Grief is a form of depression. Have you tried a grief support group?

Throughout life we have opportunities and the need to reinvent ourselves. There is no going back, only moving forward.

I'm curious as to why smoking pot would seem like an answer, except that there is that numbing effect. Is that what you are looking for? Many meds, including anti-depressants do that.

A psychotherapist can help you return to a life that feels good to you, to help you move toward the life you want that includes returning to things that you enjoy or finding new things in life to enjoy.