It's so frustrating. my mom is being a total b^&$#. my life is racing in my head and i want to cut again. it sucks. this is what happened..well...
I woke up this morning i guess half asleep to get ready to go to church. My mom's like screaming at me while i have this horrible back pain to get my ***** out of bed. Well, i finally got out of bed for like the sixth time she called me out and i went in the shower. I then got out, and we went to church. We came back, and we are having family over today for my brithday. Anyways, my mom says to clean up around the house and so i agreed to do it. I then started to get real frustrated because she tells me to clean the family room and my room at the same time. i share a room too and my little sister wont help clean up. and it was a mess! So, i started yelling, crying, and screaming and cursing toward my mom. Calling her everything in the book thats possible. We start cursing at eachother and what not. So my mom says to get out and so i go in my room and lay down on my bed just to think. She later then comes screaming into my room and telling me to get my ***** up and help her. I dont get that at all, but w/e. Later then i get up and help her she doesnt really want me too but she still gives me an attitude. I then follow her to her bedroom and start screaming at her saying life's not fair around you and all this crap. im starting to hate her and who she is becoming. She just left to go pick up the 3 foot hero and the cake for me. Dont get me wrong, i feel bad for what i did but she's a total moron sometimes. I told her not to leave me home alone because ill end up cutting myself and shes like, i dont care do what you want!! How much she cares? Jeeze. i hate my brother too he instigates throughout the whole argument/fight. grr. Now, my mom is threatining to put me away to residential or a state hospital because are insurance is up. I really dont want that but i cannot take her anymore!! And to tell you the truth, i really dont want to move out of the house i love her too much. sooo yeah. i dont know what to do. now, i'm here alone waiting for my family to come here and now i have to be like a different person in front of them when really im hurting inside. Ohh yeah, i started smoking again too, so that was another cause of the fight i had with her. anyways, dont know what to do would like some support. thanks everybody. Hope all of you are doing well, i know i'm not.
heh.

Deb