There's a New Year's party tonight held by one of my husband's former coworkers. He'll know about two people and I won't know anyone.

I've avoided doing anything social for over two years besides grabbing a meal with a very small group of classmates a few times. I avoid invitations, or I give "maybe" answers and never go to anything.

When the event is far away, I think, "Sure, sounds fun. I can totally do that. I can just stay a while and leave early, and it will be good for me." But then as it gets closer I am restless, irritable, and think of excuses.

It's tonight and I'm completely terrified at this point. Nothing in particular seems scary...it's the whole thing. I'm overwhelmed with all my control-freak details about what I need to have done before I can go.

I feel so sad and weird, and I just want to stay home where I can relax and not feel all these things. But I don't have good excuses. I'm on break from school--I have all of next week to relax and do whatever!

Positive thoughts: I know once I'm there it won't be horrible, even if the worst happens and no one talks to us and we stand around feeling awkward. At least I will have tried, and I'll feel better because I was around people. And at least I have something to go to. People have mostly given up on trying to get me out; at least my husband gets invited out and I have him to talk to.

Positive thoughts aren't working so well...