I am afraid I might SI tonight. The last two New Years I have gone into a depressive spiral and a PTSD attack. I have really been struggling with my anxiety this week. My sister was supposed to celebrate with me but cancelled and I'm so dissappointed that I'm going to be alone in the dark.
I love New Years, the lights, music, laughter, hugs and kisses, singing, reminising and I cant stand the thought of being alone.

When I say alone, my H will be in the next room sleeping. He is sober right now, doesn't like New Year's cause he cant drink, and just goes to bed early. I stay up and try to make it until the Ball drops, crying in my
champagne. I have tried to think of someone to be with, somewhere safe to go but I have no one. I dont want to SI tonight, but I'm already thinking of it.