Can I add that you should expect that whatever you try to do to help is 99% of the time going to be wrong- If you show "too much" concern and want to help "too much" I will feel suffocated and controlled...if you show "too little" I will feel rejected and abandoned and feel that you don't care at all. It's a very fine line to get it "just right" for me, and very rarely happens. Just remember that it's about me and not you- it's usually not personal- I just haven't learned how to respond differently yet. To be a friend of a BPD is HARD work