Deb I am so sorry that on your birthday you have had such a hard time. Sometimes the just that company is coming and the birthday itself puts a strain on relationships. That does not excuse either of your behavior. Both you and your mother should recieve the respect you deserve. I am sorry that as a parent she has displayed a poor role model today. And I am sorry that you reciprocated in turn. Instead of letting the situation escalate into a no win situation next time you could remain calm and try and diffuse the situation. Inter family relationships can be so hard at times.

You may find that it may help both of you to see a family therapist to work through some of these issues. It would be sad to deteriorate a relationship that you seem to cherish.

I am not sure I understand your reference to cutting. Was that a threat or an actual concern on your part. Should you have really thought that being by yourself was threatening your being safe maybe you could have offered to go with her. It sounds to me like it would certainly benefit if you both explore your feelings and reasoning behind your si.

I hope your birhtday improved. Please consider getting some help with the issues between you and your mom. Please try and be safe you deserve it.