I just wanted to check back in and let all know how I was doing. Some remember me from a previous name, some only since I changed it. With all of the support I have received here I feel the need to post an update. Even though it's a year late (sorry about that)

The past year I have been doing so much "soul searching" and self realization. I for the most part tried to stay away from this site, unless trying to keep in contact with some of the other members.

I try to keep off this site because I was trying to heal, trying to find myself but when you are surrounded by others experiencing things the way you are, and in other ways as well, it can be extremely benefecial but at the same time, it was a reminder of the hard times I was going through, a reminder of the state my mind was in when I left and a reminder that I never want to go back to that.

I did find a few jobs since this posting, I had to quit one due to poor business and the other due to an abusive boss, yeah my luck is bad even when it comes to work. At that point I was at the lowest since leaving. No job, no money for rent (which I did move into my own place with my daughter) and a psycho ex who kept making my bank account clean out and continuously called the police to the point where my boyfriend was arrested under false charges (which were dropped) I lost my car and pretty much hit rock bottom. Everything went spiralling down in just a short week. After that week I picked myself up, dusted off and prepared for another week alike.

That week (knock on wood) never repeated and everything has slowly began to pick up. Still only making $8 an hour as a single mom supporting 3 adults and one child, I have at least kept this job, without any real problems other than pay, for 5 months and going. We somehow manage to make it month to month although the bills over power my pay every check, but somehow we manage. And happily.

With the hard times, I know I'm not alone. After seeing my previous boss (the owner of the business I quit due to bad business) working as a bag girl (she's in her 50's) at Food Lion because her business went in the ground after I left, I realized I'm really not the only one hurting.

I know there is hope out there for myself and especially my daughter. I have met an incredible man who treats me like I'm so much better than any queen, I no longer hear voices or see things, I am off medication and as of this moment I am without any dramatic events in my life (knock on wood again).

It does seem though that my life is followed by these events. I have had a T tell me that with all the bad that has happened, the fact that I made it out in one piece every time shows that I have an angel watching me. He may be right or so I have the opposite watching me? Some cruel being who tries to bring me down but never succeeds. I like to think I have an angel instead.

Either way you want to spin it, I have decided on one thing for sure. My daughter, the precious 3 year old that lights up my day, no matter what it takes from me, will not endure what I have. I may not be able to give her everything I want or she wants, I may be poor and having hard times my entire life but my head keeps me going and my heart keeps me alive. My daughter will not feel this way. I will keep these horrific things from happening to her and I will raise her to have the strength knowledge and heart that it takes to face this world. Her fate will be better than mine and I will be sure the make that happen.

Who knows, maybe Gods purpose for my life is to raise this little girl the right way to show there can be an end to this cycle. My mom, grandmother, great grandmother... We all suffered so much abuse, not her. The cycle ends now and it took until this year to realize just how important my role in her happiness is. All the pain I suffered, it has shown me the mother I need to be and the mother I have become. My pain hurts but I will endure it to save my daughter from it!

Sorry for the long update, I'll hush now : )