A person could only begin to speculate whether you were playing the victim....I imagine we all do at times...knowingly or otherwise.Sometimes we simply need to be heard.Or to bounce feelings and ideas off of others for perspective.I think you genuinely feel pain in your heart...and do want answers...I know you hurt.I guess the awesome thing is hearing that you have gotten better.The life you described living before was a speedway to serious injury or other trauma.So you seem to be traveling the road of progress which is genuinely all anyone can do.In your description of childhood...those are definately factors which are contributory to borderline.However...no one here can say whether or not it is accurate.You will need to seek professional assistance on the matter.You realize that alot of the qualities that are revealed of you in your post are that of a loving person .I am sorry you are suffering the loss of a loved one...and think it is great that you are doing internship and will find that it helps to distract you from some of the darker clouds in your life atm.I wish you bright days to come! ~W~