You're gone througha lot lately. I'm sorry about the loss and about the difficult relationship.  Like bpd2 asks, can you see a therapist? It seems like ven though you've come a long way and progressed a lot, now is the time to seek help if you aren't in therapy already. Not because you're doing something wrong, but to help you cope with all these difficult circumstances.
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"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos
Current DX (December 2019): autism spectrum disorder, unspecified personality disorder
Current RX (December 2019): Abilify 30mg, Celexa 40mg, Ativan 1mg PRN
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