Hi Yesterdays, I'm sorry that you feel this way, I'm not sure how to approach what I'm about to say, the last thing that I wish to do is upset you any further....but..... I was, not long ago right where you are today; mentally spiraling out of control in depression, Hating God (I thought If God loves me why put me through a life of such pain and suffering) I still experience minute bouts of depression today...however, it no longer has that grip on me as it once did...... The difference in my life today is that I'm building a relationship with God, the same God I once hated for many years,...the same God that I cursed out many times....this God, is who is saving my life today. I'm not sure how you family is presenting God to you , sometimes it can truly be a turn-off coming from people that act holier than though...but...you have to reach to him for yourself, believe me when I tell you it is the only sure way. I will be lying to you if I said that the process was easy..it is not.....I had to be one of the most rebellious persons that God had to/ and is still working on. but I'm sure glad that I found Him, and that He is continually opening my eyes to everyday blessings.. things that I once took for granted (my family, a roof over my head, food to eat, the ability to fight back) There are many people that would give anything for what i just mentioned....Everyone does not hate you...That is a lie the the devil wishes for you to believe, his ultimate goal is to get you to isolate, and the he can truly attempt his disgusting handiwork....I know what I'm telling you. I've been there. Go to you tube listen to Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes ...Paula White. Start there, fight the enemy and start the process to your healing. In those moments when you mind begins to race. know this..GOD IS THE ONLY SURE WAY!!!